At the start of this year I promised myself that this would be the "year of me." That this year I would focus on doing things that I loved to do and to be happy. I find that time is just passing, slipping through my fingers and when I turn around, I've accomplished things, but for everyone else. I'm not that old (31 is NOT old) but I'm old enough to be somewhat set in my ways. I've dealt with and tolerated a lot of bullshit the last 4 years, and I've learned more about myself living on my own for the past 2 years than I've ever known about myself before. What I'm willing to put up with, and what I'm not. But for some reason, since September of 2015 up until now, my feeling of self-worth diminished greatly. Not sure what happened to me in this year's time to get me feeling this way, but enough is enough. I'm done and tired of the bullshit and I deserve to have happiness, love and everything else that I damn well desire. No one and nothing will and can get in my way of that.
Recently I've decided to start my journey on self-discovery and self worth. I've embarked on something that is great, training for NPC Bikini Competitions..... I don't need to explain to anyone why I chose to do this, but what I can explain to you is the journey thus far.
Roughly six years ago, when I started my career in Personal Training, someone I met decided to do a Bikini Competition, and I thought it was super cool of her to do that. She looked amazing in the photos and I wanted to be like her. It made an impact on me because we are around the same age, and if she could do it, so could I. It's always been something in the back of my mind to get up on stage and do what she did, but the timing never seemed right. I had talked about it, talked about it for years but there was always some excuse that got in the way. The funny thing about timing is that- well that there's NEVER a RIGHT TIME to do anything. You must MAKE time for something that you so desire. So this year, January 1st 2016, I said to myself you WILL be on stage in a Bikini Competition.
My competition prep started roughly 11 weeks ago, memorial day weekend. I was looking for meals online because the plan was to do it all on my own. I'm a Trainer, how hard can it be right? So, I found something that seemed pretty good and I got 2 people to approve of it. Off I went, changing my eating and tracking progress on a weekly basis with pictures. I had a few cheat days in the beginning because 12 weeks is a long time and what harm can it really do? But my cheat days weren't all that crazy. When I did cheat, I'd have sushi, or a burger without the bun. I stuck to grilled chicken and salad when I could. I didn't overindulge. After 2 weeks on this new plan, I lost roughly 3 pounds and 2% body fat.
One day, I saw this woman walking around the gym, looking great and I was like I need to talk to her. So, a few days later she walked into the gym and I stalked her to the leg press machine and I was straight up like "you look great! do you train for anything?!" I discovered that she was a fitness competitor and that she was a coach as well. I started with her roughly June 26th. I was about to start the next 4 weeks of prep and I wanted to start looking for a posing coach. Just like that, the universe brought her to me. (Sometimes you have to ask for what you want, and the answers just appear). I've been with her ever since and so far its been great.
Current status: 2 weeks (13 days out) from show time. Last week I weighed in at 108lbs. Posing practice is going well, and I'm feeling great. My diet hasn't changed this week, she's kept it the same for 2 weeks. Peak week starts 8/20. Already booked my hair and makeup for show day, gotta book my tanning. Competition suite was purchased roughly 8 weeks out ,wish I waited a little longer because I did drop some weight since the order was placed. I have to book my hair appointment (red with blonde). Competition jewelry is already purchased and ready to go. I may have to buy another ring, the one I have isn't big enough.
Current mood: Excited, tired, anxious, lets just do this already, August please take your time, irritable, determined, just get through it, I kind of need a hug right now but also stay the hell away from me.
Cravings: none really but really excited to eat the goodies in my freezer and excited for 8/28. PASTA and COOKIES! Maybe a glass of white wine?
Meal plan: CARBS: 1/4 cup of oatmeal, 2 oz white potato, 1/4 white rice
PROTEIN: 4 oz chicken, 4 oz white fish, Arbonne Vegan protein shakes, Dymatize Casein
FATS: almond butter
VEGGIES: broccoli, spinach, asparagus, green beans, zucchini
Overall, feeling pretty good. Check back soon for a more in-depth look at the actual struggles of doing this.